February 28, 2011 – Shopping Restrictions

After a long week of heartfelt entreaties to make the average person happier, I need a break.   Today, therefore, I will be keeping things light.  I really hate it when stores impose limits on how many garments a person can bring into a dressing room.  Other than not wanting to print number tags higher than 8, I can’t think of a good reason for these rules.  Today, the same saleswoman who wouldn’t let me take all of the clothes I wanted to try on with me into the dressing room and slowly combed through my pile of hopefuls to determine the exact amount I had when I came in, didn’t even glance at what I left behind on the rack when I left.  Isn’t the point of the whole number tag system supposed to be to prevent theft?  In that case leaving with the same number of garments you entered with should be what matters, not how many you want to try on.  The only thing this kind of limiting does is prevent people from buying things because they won’t take multiple trips to the dressing room to try on everything they want.  I have a really poor sense of what will actually look good on me so I need to be able to try on a lot of options.  Stores that limit me are only going to limit how much I buy.  Don’t you want the Queen of the World to be able to shop happily in your store? 

Stores may not limit the amount of garments an individual can bring into a dressing room.

Well, two months of subjugation down, ten more to go.  I hope you are all still enjoying yourselves.

As always I remain your all-powerful and benevolent Queen of the World,

Marisa

February 27, 2011 – You Aren’t Special Part VII: Raising Happier Kids

As the child of Baby Boomers, myself and my generation are known as Echo Boomers.  Baby Boomers grew up during an economic boom.  They were the healthiest and wealthiest generation to date and based on their sheer numbers and lives of privilege they considered themselves to be special.  In many ways it was as if all of history was leading to that generation.  It’s part of the reason that many Boomers refuse to retire…a problem I may tackle in the future.  The radicalism of the 60’s was due in large part to this “special generation” becoming teenagers and young adults.  The children of the Baby Boomers are also generally privileged, but with one distinct difference.  The Baby Boomers were raised with the ideals of their parents.  Many Boomers grew up feeling like they could change the world, but it was not because their parents or teachers told them they would.  The Echo Boomers by contrast have grown up with their parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors telling them than they can and should change the world.  They were told that they could be anything they dreamed of if they only worked hard and in pursuit of those goals they were overscheduled and overindulged.  For the Echo generation an average life was simply unacceptable.  Honestly, what kind of encouragement is that?  You are not helping children to succeed by setting them up for disappointment.  Sure, in every generation there will be those who are truly special.  They will make great discoveries, be great leaders, create great works of art, accomplish great feats of athletic prowess, and create positive change for the world.  But for the most part, children will grow up to lead average lives.  The problem is that when you are told that you can achieve amazing feats if you try hard enough and dream big enough then clearly there is something wrong with your dreams or effort when you fail.  To grow up with an education, maintain a career, and build and support a family should be the definition of success, but for many of the children of the “special generation” success is something unattainable.

Personally, as a new mom I can say with confidence that there is no greater accomplishment than establishing a true and strong bond of love with your baby.  I know that sounds cheesy and trite, but it is also true.  Most importantly, nothing could be more ordinary.  Parents have been loving their children since the time when hunting or gathering were the only two career options and surviving past 40 was a real accomplishment. 

To conclude this week of “un-specialness” I want the world, especially the children of the Echo Boom generation, to know that being special and being average are not competing adjectives.  Live a life that will provide you with some happiness and you will have achieved something great.  It’s that simple.  It should be that simple.  You do not need to pretend at fame.  You do not need to publish your life.  You do not need to act crazy for attention.  You just need to try and be happy with whoever you are.

In order to achieve this new philosophy we need to stop poisoning our children with insurmountable great expectations.

Parents and schools must inspire children towards achievable goals and the pursuit of individual happiness.        

To all of the Echo Boomers out there; you can’t all be Queen of the World, but you can all be happy.

As always I remain your all-powerful and benevolent Queen of the World,

Marisa

February 26, 2011 – You Aren’t Special Part VI: Parting with Reality

Considering the theme of the week it’s about time I tackle the 6-foot-gorilla in the room – Reality TV – one of the ultimate culprits in creating the false sense of specialness that plagues the most average of people today.  But I can’t just ban it completely.  That would be easy…and probably best; but the genre does include some of my own guilty pleasures so I will need to be selective.  For the most part what I think really needs to go are those shows that glorify bad behavior and sadly, those are probably the shows people love the most.  For example, the previews for the new season of “Celebrity Apprentice” highlight crazy celebrities about to come to blows.  The show is also an entertaining competition that does a lot of charity work, but that is not why viewers tune in.  It’s unfortunate.  Much like the problem with crazy people on talk shows, the more the general public sees bad and crazy behavior the more they become accustomed to it and that means that it will take even crazier behavior to be considered shocking.  Makers of these programs sometimes argue that the point of showing bad behavior is to serve as an example of what not to do.  At least that is the theory behind shows like “16 and Pregnant”.  If you see the consequences of other peoples’ bad behavior or mistakes, you will be dissuaded from following in that path.  The problem with that is that one consequence of this awful behavior is fame.  All publicity can be considered good publicity if you are crazy enough.  We sane people still retain the ability to be embarrassed. 

So what to do about this problem?      

Reality TV shows must have a greater purpose than displaying crazy or bad behavior.

Ok I realize that’s pretty vague.  I think what we need is a professional panel to analyze reality shows and determine whether or not a show has no greater worth than pandering to our base desire to see self-destruction.  The line is not going to be clear but it’s something that I hope can be worked out over time.  If we are going to allow the average person to have their 15 minutes of fame, let’s at least try to ensure that is will be for positive reasons.

As always I remain your all-powerful and benevolent Queen of the World,

Marisa

February 25, 2011 – You Aren’t Special Part V: Oh the Vanity!

Vanity plates.  They never seemed like an important issue to me until I moved to a state where vanity plates are inexpensive and therefore seemingly more common than regular license plates.  The problems I have with them are three-fold.  First off, they violate the main purpose of having license plates, which is identification for law enforcement purposes.  Normal license plates will follow a pattern like 3 letters followed by 4 numbers, or something similar.  That way when you have numbers and letters that look alike such as 0 and O, 1 and I, 8 and B, or 5 and S, law enforcement can easily tell what they are looking at based on the pattern.  Vanity plates, by contrast are often quite confusing because people will interchange similar looking letters and numbers when the words they want (spelled the right way) are already taken.  Like “I M BOSS”, “1 M 8055”, “I M B0S5”, “I M 8O5S”, “I M B055”……… you get the point.  My second problem with these plates is that some of them are confusing and when I am driving behind someone with a vanity plate that I don’t understand I get frustrated.  It’s like 1337 speak except you’re the only one who gets what it means.  It’s super annoying.  One person for example had the license plate “STFU-PLS”.  Honestly, that plate is so awesome I would totally let it slide but when the state made the owner change it because they thought it meant what you and I thought it meant the owner said it meant “stay true for you”.  It just proves my point that abbreviations are problematic.  Finally, vanity plates need to go based on the simple definition of the name.  Are you so vain that you need to broadcast something about your life on your license plate?  Do you really feel the need to force the traffic behind you to read your plate and ponder its meaning?  There are other avenues for self-expression.  Let’s let license plates identify our cars and leave it at that.

Vanity plates are strictly outlawed.  All license plates must follow a specific pattern for the state/region/country the vehicle is registered in.

As always I remain your all-powerful and benevolent Queen of the World,

Marisa

PS.  Mike, I’m sorry that you will have to give up your license plate.  It’s nothing personal.

February 24, 2011 – You Aren’t Special Part IV – What We Should Learn in College

College is a really wonderful time for many people.  It’s when young people get to play at being adults without having the full responsibilities or consequences associated with adulthood.  It’s a time for making friends, cutting loose, experimenting, and learning.  Yes, learning is a part of college too; and not just in a broad sense like learning about yourself or about the world.  College is a time for book learning and delving into a particular subject (your major) pretty thoroughly.  Now part of what you should learn in all of your college classes is general intellectual development.  You should become a better writing, a better thinker, a better reasoner, and a better questioner.  But what you should also learn; what you probably won’t learn; are skills and direction that will actually prepare you for a career.  Some college majors like nursing, accounting, or engineering do this to a degree but the majority of your arts and sciences majors will not prepare students in the slightest for the real world of employment.

So what do advanced level classes for arts and sciences majors prepare for?  Essentially they prepare students for careers in academia.  They entail a lot more reading and writing, focus on more challenging topics, and push students towards formulating their own research questions.  In terms of intellectual development this is great, but in terms of helping students determine what sort of careers their studies could lead to and helping them prepare for said careers, these classes fall very short.  Some college classes should simply focus on intellectual development but others, mostly the more advanced courses, should focus on career options and preparation, including careers that are outside academia.  After all, a very small percentage of college graduates will actually pursue careers in academia and an even smaller percentage of them will succeed in obtaining them.  There are, for example, lots of careers that a psychology major would be well suited for, including: counseling, human resources, law enforcement, social work, teaching, etc.  Some of these careers may require further degrees and some may not but the point is that higher level psychology classes should begin to present career options like these and then provide students with the specific learning and skills they need to pursue them.  I know that reformulating college classes in this way will be a challenge, but it will be well worth it when graduates are more successful in the job market…or at the very least are more focused and sure of what they are looking for.

Upper level college courses must have a greater focus on career options and the learning and skills necessary for possible career paths.

You may be wondering what this decree has to do with the overarching theme of the week.  Part of the problem with everyone thinking that they’re special is that they lack an obtainable career focus.  If college only prepares you to be the next Freud, Einstein, or Goodall, you are going to be sadly disappointed when you realize that you are not a special genius.  On the other hand, if college prepares you for an obtainable career in a field you find interesting, then you will get that awesome sense of self-worth that only comes with achieving a goal.  Most of us aren’t special, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be great at something.  The sooner each of us figures out what that something is and incorporates it into our lives, the happier we will be.

As always I remain your all-powerful and benevolent Queen of the World,

Marisa

February 23, 2011 – You Aren’t Special Part III – What We Learned in Kindergarten

We all learned in Kindergarten that it’s not OK to make fun of other people, didn’t we?  Clearly this is something we need to relearn.  Otherwise we wouldn’t look forward to those early rounds of certain reality TV shows that highlight the most ridiculous performances.  I have to figure that most of these people know that their auditions are terrible and are performing that way on purpose with the hopes of getting on TV.  However, there must be some people who are legitimately trying their best and due to nerves or a complete misunderstanding of their own talent, they suck.  In the case of the former explanation, banning the airing of these auditions would just be an extension of yesterday’s decree.  We don’t need to glorify people who would do anything to get on TV.  In the case of the latter explanation, we just need to exercise better manners.  It shouldn’t be OK to turn someone’s embarrassment into entertainment.  Sadly, I know many of you think that the bad auditions are the best part of these shows, but sometimes you have to give up things you might enjoy for the betterment of all humanity.  Talent shows should highlight talent.  We do not need to continue the misconception that true talent can yield the same results as being crazy or pathetic.  Sure, life seems to work out that way sometimes, but this week is all about doing everything possible to end that problem.

Reality TV talent shows may not air poor auditions.  These shows must focus on the actual talent competition.

Sorry again to take away your entertaining train wreck, but you will be a better person for it.

As always I remain your all-powerful and benevolent Queen of the World,

Marisa

February 22, 2011 – You Aren’t Special Part II – A Dramatic End for the Drama Seekers

Dr. Phil.  You are done.  Go home to your mansion and stay there.  You are not to be a “doctor” of any sort from now on.  You may not give advice.  I revoke your celebrity status.  Take heart though that at least I am leaving you to enjoy your fortune and family in peace…provided I never see your face or hear your voice again.  I also wouldn’t want you to feel like I am singling you out so the same edict goes for Maury, Jerry, Steve Wilkos, or anyone who creates or hosts a TV program, now or in the future, that glorifies the “drama seeker”.  I am starting with you Dr. Phil however, because I think you actually believe that you are better, and that your show is better, than those others I mentioned.  It is not.  In fact the illusion of legitimacy for your program only creates the appearance of a dignified platform for drama seekers and thus makes your show especially dangerous.  But before I make my formal decree let’s take a step back and better explain the “drama seekers”, why they are a problem, and why your show causes them to multiply and prosper like tribbles. 

The drama seeker is someone who believes that they are so special that their problems and/or triumphs deserve to be telecast to the world.  For example, most of us have been betrayed at least once in our lives.  There are various normal ways that we handled this betrayal.  Our reactions may not have been pretty, we may have even resorted to colorful language and violence, but our reactions were still normal.  The drama seeker by contrast may react to betrayal similarly with screaming, cursing, and violence, but by definition feels entitled to do this is the most public way possible.  They do this because they think that they are special and deserving of attention.  In fact their need for attention is so great that they can’t differentiate between positive and negative attention.  Drama seekers are a problem because they are a terrible example of humanity.  They will exhibit negative behavior for attention and when they get that attention they will feel justified and will pursue even crazier behavior to continue their time in the spotlight.  The cycle is exactly the same as a drug user.  The problem for the non-drama-seeking public is that we get accustomed to the crazy behavior of the drama seeker and suddenly awful situations that were unheard of are no longer shocking and become much more common.  Talk shows like Dr. Phil, Maury, Jerry Springer etc. provide a platform for these drama seekers.  They invite them on as your guests.  In fact, they advertise for the exact kind of crazy that they want.  “Have you ever been betrayed by your man with another man who used to be a woman?  If so we want you.”  Hello!!!  Stop giving these crazy people ideas!  Granted that getting rid of these shows will not eliminate the drama seekers, but it will cause their numbers to diminish and it will protect the general public from learning to worship these idiots.

I hear you Dr. Phil.  You are complaining that your show is not like this.  You are saying that you don’t allow or glorify this kind of crazy behavior on your show and that you actually help people.  You’re wrong.  Do you need an example?  Remember the Dr. Phil family?  They were a pretty normal family with a pregnant teenage daughter.  It was a decent amount of drama but nothing so shocking.  How are they doing now?  The older daughter has three kids with three different dads, the younger daughter got arrested, the parents divorced, and they are all abusing drugs and alcohol.  Are you really going to tell me that your interference helped these people?  All you did was provide a platform for a drama seeking family.  Once they had a taste of the attention drug they made themselves more and more outlandish to keep that attention coming.  Good job with that one.

Talk shows that highlight the negative behavior of guests are strictly illegal.

As always I remain your all-powerful and benevolent Queen of the World,

Marisa