Daily Decrees

Beginning January 1, 2011, your all powerful yet benevolent despot will make one decree daily that will become instant and unquestionable law. Though it is said that absolute power corrupts absolutely, it is yet unkown whether absolute imagined power corrupts. Perhaps it merely corrupts the imagination. We'll find out as Marisa, the newly ordained Queen of the World, attempts to change the world for the better by making 365 unilateral decisions. Ultimately though, it doesn't really matter whether you agree with her decisions or not. So feel free to comment as long as you understand your comments are in vain. In all honesty though your queen is hopeful that you will consider the vast majority of her decrees to be the kind of decisions you wish your previous leaders had made years ago. The best part of being the supreme ruler of the world is that changes can be made easily. There are no agreements to be reached, no protocols to follow, and no bureaucratic red tape...and that is the whole point.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

February 22, 2011 – You Aren’t Special Part II – A Dramatic End for the Drama Seekers

Dr. Phil.  You are done.  Go home to your mansion and stay there.  You are not to be a “doctor” of any sort from now on.  You may not give advice.  I revoke your celebrity status.  Take heart though that at least I am leaving you to enjoy your fortune and family in peace…provided I never see your face or hear your voice again.  I also wouldn’t want you to feel like I am singling you out so the same edict goes for Maury, Jerry, Steve Wilkos, or anyone who creates or hosts a TV program, now or in the future, that glorifies the “drama seeker”.  I am starting with you Dr. Phil however, because I think you actually believe that you are better, and that your show is better, than those others I mentioned.  It is not.  In fact the illusion of legitimacy for your program only creates the appearance of a dignified platform for drama seekers and thus makes your show especially dangerous.  But before I make my formal decree let’s take a step back and better explain the “drama seekers”, why they are a problem, and why your show causes them to multiply and prosper like tribbles. 
The drama seeker is someone who believes that they are so special that their problems and/or triumphs deserve to be telecast to the world.  For example, most of us have been betrayed at least once in our lives.  There are various normal ways that we handled this betrayal.  Our reactions may not have been pretty, we may have even resorted to colorful language and violence, but our reactions were still normal.  The drama seeker by contrast may react to betrayal similarly with screaming, cursing, and violence, but by definition feels entitled to do this is the most public way possible.  They do this because they think that they are special and deserving of attention.  In fact their need for attention is so great that they can’t differentiate between positive and negative attention.  Drama seekers are a problem because they are a terrible example of humanity.  They will exhibit negative behavior for attention and when they get that attention they will feel justified and will pursue even crazier behavior to continue their time in the spotlight.  The cycle is exactly the same as a drug user.  The problem for the non-drama-seeking public is that we get accustomed to the crazy behavior of the drama seeker and suddenly awful situations that were unheard of are no longer shocking and become much more common.  Talk shows like Dr. Phil, Maury, Jerry Springer etc. provide a platform for these drama seekers.  They invite them on as your guests.  In fact, they advertise for the exact kind of crazy that they want.  “Have you ever been betrayed by your man with another man who used to be a woman?  If so we want you.”  Hello!!!  Stop giving these crazy people ideas!  Granted that getting rid of these shows will not eliminate the drama seekers, but it will cause their numbers to diminish and it will protect the general public from learning to worship these idiots.
I hear you Dr. Phil.  You are complaining that your show is not like this.  You are saying that you don’t allow or glorify this kind of crazy behavior on your show and that you actually help people.  You’re wrong.  Do you need an example?  Remember the Dr. Phil family?  They were a pretty normal family with a pregnant teenage daughter.  It was a decent amount of drama but nothing so shocking.  How are they doing now?  The older daughter has three kids with three different dads, the younger daughter got arrested, the parents divorced, and they are all abusing drugs and alcohol.  Are you really going to tell me that your interference helped these people?  All you did was provide a platform for a drama seeking family.  Once they had a taste of the attention drug they made themselves more and more outlandish to keep that attention coming.  Good job with that one.
Talk shows that highlight the negative behavior of guests are strictly illegal.
As always I remain your all-powerful and benevolent Queen of the World,
Marisa

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