Daily Decrees

Beginning January 1, 2011, your all powerful yet benevolent despot will make one decree daily that will become instant and unquestionable law. Though it is said that absolute power corrupts absolutely, it is yet unkown whether absolute imagined power corrupts. Perhaps it merely corrupts the imagination. We'll find out as Marisa, the newly ordained Queen of the World, attempts to change the world for the better by making 365 unilateral decisions. Ultimately though, it doesn't really matter whether you agree with her decisions or not. So feel free to comment as long as you understand your comments are in vain. In all honesty though your queen is hopeful that you will consider the vast majority of her decrees to be the kind of decisions you wish your previous leaders had made years ago. The best part of being the supreme ruler of the world is that changes can be made easily. There are no agreements to be reached, no protocols to follow, and no bureaucratic red tape...and that is the whole point.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

January 16, 2011 – Parallel Putzing

Today I will introduce a term I just invented (literally a minute ago).  “Parallel putzing,” refers to two drivers who are so oblivious to their surroundings that they are driving perfectly parallel to each other for miles, thereby creating an effective mobile block of traffic.  The left lane is a passing lane.  If you are not actually passing someone in the right lane, you should not be in the left lane!  Are you trying to carry on a conversation with the driver of the neighboring car?  Are you trying to exchange phone numbers or spicy mustard?  Do you have some kind of OCD where you need everything in your environment to be paired?  If not then I don’t understand why you insist on driving directly alongside another vehicle.  Police can ticket drivers for being aggressive and reckless; why not also ticket drivers for blocking traffic by driving like a horse with blinders on?  Now they can.
Police officers can now issue tickets for “parallel putzing” or blocking traffic by driving perfectly parallel with the driver in the neighboring lane for more than five miles.
As always I remain your all-powerful and benevolent Queen of the World,
Marisa


 

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1 comment:

  1. AnonymousJanuary 16, 2011 at 6:07 PM

    This post was the most amazing post in the history of posts. I've had need for a term to describe this foolishness and now I have one. This parallel stupidity annoys me beyond words. - Andy W.

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