Dedicated to James – See, I listen to my subjects sometimes. Keep sending me suggestions.
Here is an important question for each of my subjects. Are you aware that in order for someone to hear you over a cell phone, you do not need to talk any louder than you would if the person was sitting next to you? Really. I am not even kidding. You don’t need to yell. Mom, I promise you this is true.
It’s one thing when people yell into their cell phones because they are in a noisy environment and they cannot hear themselves talk, but it’s another thing when it’s in a public enclosed space like on a train or in a restaurant. For some reason, using a cell phone makes people forget basic conversational etiquette. Haven’t you heard of “inside voice”? Why does that courtesy go out the door when you take out your cell phone? A cell phone is not a cone of silence. Would you really be talking about the raunchy details of your sex life on a public bus at the top of your lungs if you didn’t have a cell phone? I very much doubt it.
All conversational noise in public enclosed spaces will be restricted to 65 decibels. Going over this level will result in a warning. Continuing to exceed this limit after being warned will result in expulsion from the area, including public modes of transportation.
Why 65 decibels? Thirty seconds of internet research revealed that normal conversations are 50-65 decibels so I think taking the upper limit is pretty reasonable. I plan to outfit necessary personnel (conductors, drivers, maitre d’s, etc.) with sound level meters so they can more exactly determine when someone if offending and have evidence to show as they oust the person from the premises. So from now on, try to keep your personal conversations personal and I think we will all be much happier.
As always I remain your all powerful and benevolent Queen of the World,
Marisa
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