Daily Decrees

Beginning January 1, 2011, your all powerful yet benevolent despot will make one decree daily that will become instant and unquestionable law. Though it is said that absolute power corrupts absolutely, it is yet unkown whether absolute imagined power corrupts. Perhaps it merely corrupts the imagination. We'll find out as Marisa, the newly ordained Queen of the World, attempts to change the world for the better by making 365 unilateral decisions. Ultimately though, it doesn't really matter whether you agree with her decisions or not. So feel free to comment as long as you understand your comments are in vain. In all honesty though your queen is hopeful that you will consider the vast majority of her decrees to be the kind of decisions you wish your previous leaders had made years ago. The best part of being the supreme ruler of the world is that changes can be made easily. There are no agreements to be reached, no protocols to follow, and no bureaucratic red tape...and that is the whole point.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

February 12, 2011 – Blinded by the Light

My friend Tom (stand up and wave Tom), suggested to me that I do something about headlights that blind oncoming traffic.  As I have often been blinded by headlights while driving I agreed.  What I subsequently discovered (through extensive minutes of internet research) was quite disturbing, so I feel it is imperative that I address this problem without delay.
Sometimes I have to wonder about the United States of America.  I knew that for some reason, America has always considered itself to be too good for the metric system.  What I didn’t know, however, is that there are other international sets of standards that America, for some reason, refuses to adopt.  The problem with headlights (which I also discovered should properly be referred to as headlamps) stems from this apparent stubbornness.  Headlamps are regulated by international ECE standards, except in America where they are regulated by SAE standards.  ECE standards specify that headlamps must have a beam with an asymmetric cutoff (depending on which side of the road people drive on in a particular country), which then prevents significant amounts of light from being cast into the eyes of oncoming traffic.  SAE standards do not control for this glare.  Furthermore, ECE standards adjust the angle of the beam depending on the mounting height of the headlamps.  This means that trucks and SUVs that sit higher on the road would have their headlights angled down further.  Once again, SAE standards do not control for this factor.  The angle of headlamps on American trucks is the same for American sedans.  This totally explains why the problem seems to me to be getting worse.  More Americans are driving vehicles that sit higher so their headlamps are aimed higher – essentially right in my eyes. 
All I can think to say is “Fuck you America!”  Tom and I have been suffering needlessly!  There are ways to control for glare; you are just too stubborn or stupid to adopt them!  No longer!
All headlamps must be manufactured and mounted to ECE international standards.
As always I remain your all-powerful and benevolent Queen of the World,
Marisa

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